I'm back!!

Herro

So much of doing nothing the last few days. Just been going over resumes of people that want to work at the store. Some interesting resumes, I have come across people with B.SC in sciences and stuff. That kinda sucks putting in all those hard hrs just to work retail and have me as your boss!!! muhahaha!! jk I do feel for those people. Anyways Veg Girl, G Dubbs and Just a girl has access to this blog too they will be posting up their stuff soon hopefully.

Hi A.Marsh(sorry still dont have a smart ass name for you,maybe stunning two's?? what do you think?? jk) Don Don, Bert(you lazy fuker, go to work) ThunderChief, Alex(I know urplay wii at the office) Debra Messing and Wifey(stop looking at my account you asshole!! jk ur my number#1)

Ohhh went to Wonderland with the old work(tears...jk) nice of them to bring me along. It was hot as hell, like sauna hot, ass sweat everywhere!! To the WINDOWS!! to the WALLS!! to the sweat drop down these balls!! lol no clue why that song is in my head. We went on a few rides, Monica was a pussy and didnt want to go on anything. I should have told her rollercoasters make women orgasm then she woulda jumped on no problem. We went on Behemoth a few times, second time my stomach really started to feel ill na-na and I actually wanted to barf. I didnt go on drop zone (favorite ride)oh well whatever.
LMAO at Veg Girl on the Behemoth, the girl was practically crying the first time around, in a crying voice this is her "I HATE THIS RIDE IM GOING TO CRY, IM CRYING, OK I CANT IM DEHYDRATED I NEED TO RESERVE MY FLUIDS, THIS IS NOT RIGHT, I NEED TO GET OFF, IM SOO SCARED, WEEEEEEEE!!! HOLY FUCK, THIS IS STUPID, IM ACTUALLY GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND FAINT ARE WE AT THE TOP OF THE HILL YET?" what a nut...lmao at reh reh and her cap, jk jk you have to admit it was funny.

See you all in abit

Today is a new day

Woke up kinda late today, I took the wifes car this morning and like always there was no gas in it. I went to the petro can (which was bought out by Sunoco awhile back so if you have noticed a few Sunocos turning into Petros in your area that is why) filled er up and started to look for breakfast.

I opted of Petro Canadas own Java Stop coffee.

Here is my review:

Blind Assessment: Gently opulent night flowers, orangy fruit and a hint of fresh-cut aromatic wood in aroma and cup. Soft aroma, sweet acidity, lightly syrupy mouthfeel, rich, round balance. Simplifies slightly in the finish.
Notes: Sold exclusively at Petro Canada Gas Bars. Petro Canada is a chain of gas stations with locations throughout Canada. Visit http://www.talkingoutofmyass.com/ for more information.
Who Should Drink It: A gently rich cup with quiet yet intriguing aromatics. Great for sitting by the bay window at your parents house thinking about the boy or girl nextdoor who ended up marrying rich.

Additional rating notes.

AROMA:9
ACIDITY:8
BODY:8
FLAVOR:9
AFTERTASTE:7
AGTRON:54/64

I also got a complimentary bag of those two-bite brownies, it was one of those smaller bags with 4 pieces. They were rather dry compared to what I'm used to. Not gonna bother checking out the expiry date since it was free with a coffe purchase.

So its officially my last day. They took my office key from me. I was gonna follow up with my last post of how to leave on a good note but nah. Veg Girl has distanced herself from me the last week or so and its been pretty funny. I will say a joke and I know she wants to laugh but she is doing her best to pretend its not funny. I have a bbm convo going on with G Dubbs and Party Girl, I asked if we can keep this going forever so I can stay in touch with whats going on in the office and with them. Believe me the office is such a circus I want to know whats happening here. We try adding Veg Girl but she keeps leaving the convo! what a c_nt!! lol. I have been busting Reh Reh balls more the last few days just to warm her up for the onslaught of a selling season in our office. I will see you guys again July 17th rain or shine. I just realized G Dubbs is in London and he is gonna miss out on Pride this weekend. I dont even know if he goes to Pride im just being ignorant assuming he would go just because he is ghay.

I guess for the sake of keeping this thing going I will continue to post random bullshit. Hopefully I get some characters at my place that I can share with you guys.

Im outta here!! forever!! bahahahuhahaha!!the office i mean - cough!suckas!!cough#

oh and if my ex-coworkers/ friends for life lol!! end up going to Canadas Wonderland after I have been pushing for 5 yrs to go for a work trip I hope it rains that day!! jk :)

oooooooooooowwwweeeeee 2nd last day

My second last day, I have to come back next tuesday the 6th for those who care. Gonna meet the new dude and Reh Reh to get them settled in. Gonna give them the bobble head sleaze training program. Gonna teach them cheat words to use in appointments like UPT (units per transaction) blah blah blah. If you would like to know some let me know they are great for getting out of white lies you have created just to get ahead.


Anyhow, I spent a good amount of time today reading articles on how to leave on a good note. LMAO there are actual articles on how to do this!!

Courtesy of the internet they recommend to follow these four steps


Step 1: Resolve your conflicts:
umm, ok.


G Dubbs sorry I called you an asshole when you stole the spotlight by wearing gold lamay tights to my cosmic bowling birthday party.


Just a Girl aka Party Girl - Sorry you found the lifesize hair doll I made of you sitting in the passenger seat of my car when you ran into me in the parking lot of Costco. I hope this makes you feel at ease and you stop wearing the hair net to work.


Veg Girl - I don't have any conflicts with her you but you prolly do with me so I will wait for your response or you can suck it up. Hey why don't you try eating a steak or something?? yay July 17th!!


Monica - Sorry I'm bouncing on you, hope you don't go nuts without me have fun with the new regime! If you wanted to know how I did it and lasted so long here you go:
When you have some on you, do a bump of coke in the washroom every 20 mins or so until you have no more. If they find out and start to judge you just offer them some.
Sometimes I do rub one off in the washroom to wake me up,
I keep reading the davinci code when no one is looking, I must have read it about 35 times now at work.
I learned how to day dream and still talk to you guys like im not in la la land.
I learned how to sleep with my eyes open, thats why my head keeps bobbing! im not really just saying yes to get out of the conversations, I am sleeping!!
As an aside Monica, thank you for telling me about how you did it with the sumo wrestler guy whose penis was thick like a pop-can.


MiMi - No conflicts with you if you have one with me I would tell you to "F" off!! lol welcome to Veg Girls world! lol


Reh Reh - No conflicts with you except you took away the excuse for people to say "what up bro" and "YO YO" and "Bozu" from me. Now they say it to you and whatever...(kissing teeth)


Im out gonna paint some doors for fun here. I will be back tomorrow! with step 2 to 4.

On the 3rd day

I bet you never saw a photo of a french hen before nevermind 3!! ..well me neither. Its really just one cut and pasted 3 times.

This is the office parking lot at 2:30pm. This pretty much sums up office activity today.

G Dubbs I see your car back there! what are you doing?

(Me and Monica working together to fill a garbage bag)

FAIL!!!

Since I am leaving I want to leave my mark with the bathroom situation at the office. This is the sign I am leaving behind. Not gonna go into it or elaborate. Not saying its anyone in the office, not naming names, G dubbs I know it aint you cause you bitch the same amount I do. Not saying its you girls either don't start rolling your eyes at me. Neways here is the sign I am leaving behind.

OMG REH REH WANTS TO SPEAK RIGHT NOW ABOUT WORK!!! its 3:09pm on a Friday afternoon, Im gonna tell her to look outside and check out the parking lot!

On the 4th day!!

No office stuff today, I havent really seen anyone as well. All of them are in meetings so it makes sense for me not to be included. If they want me to sit there and nod my head a few times they just need to ask and I will be there.

4 more work days to go and I'm gone. Hopefully Veg Girl takes over the random bullshit writing or something. I will prolly still add to it but I will be in a different work place so I will see how it goes.

I spend most of my days preparing my figures and projections for Reh Reh and the new guy. Gotta let her know about some leads and new accounts I planted the seed with a few months ago. (cough#soobullshit!#cough)

The other part of my day is spent looking at food websites

I like to cook and I like all things food related from knives to smokers. I can spend hrs in a grocery store if I had a chance but hardly do. Not gonna bore you guys to death with my random food fetish
These are a few of my personal favorite food websites visit them if you are into food

http://www.lastnightsdinner.net/

http://www.food52.com/

http://acqtaste.com/

http://chibbqking.blogspot.com/ (this is just some dude blogging all the greasy spoon stuff he eats)

On the 4th day of christmas my true love gave to me

Totally off topic but I ran across these new photos of Jessica Alba thought I would share them with you. Im pretty sure wifey is gonna bust my balls about these but whatever I personally know the photographer who took these photos. He is from Indonesia and his name is Muy Khock! (lol..very inapropriate)
No clue what the point of this photoshoot is about its actually pretty dumb. Maybe shes selling those new....ahh fuk it I have smartass answer right now. Im pretty sure you would rather look at these than hear about the 3 hotdogs I grabbed for lunch for 3 dollars.

Veg Girl just came by and entertained me with a story from her side job. She was actually crying from laughter when she told it. Actually not gonna lie it was pretty awakward for 3-5 secs because it looked like she was crying at a funeral or something. I love that feeling of laughing so hard you can't breath and your abs hurt. I also love when you want to laugh out so bad but you can't cause it would be in bad taste so you have to hold it in.

If your curious her story falls along the same line as this

http://most-expensive.net/coffee-in-world

Replacement

Long time no post, in all honesty I have nothing to write about. I can go on about dumb things we do here at the office but they are usually the same.

I sit and bobble my head

Monica farts.

Veg Girl bitches and complains about the a/c all day (July 17th!! pool party! look for the flyer in ur inbox!!!)

G Dubbs is always having a good hair day

Just a Girl mumbles! her problem is getting worse than mine! and I motha fukin speed talk mumble so its bad! jk

MiMi is always eating!she has also been in and out of the office the last few weeks - I think she goes jogging or does tai-chi in the back parking lot or some shit

Reh Reh is...I have no clue I can't see her from my vantage point..so to me she is obsolete like dial up modems and vhs tapes!! lol jk. As an aside she is movin on up to post up at my desk! they found a sucker for her position! jk jk

As you can see same old, same old

I also met my replacement. Honestly all they did was find a hispanic that wears a jean jacket, likes cardigans and white v-necks, dude dresses like me! Way off from the hazel eyed black guy I thought they were gonna bring that speaks italian and knows sign language because he used to do missionary work in Africa and helped setup schools in small remote villages (not sure if hes hispanic I didn't get a chance to smell him properly..hmmm...maybe hes Portugese "Sim, eu falo português!!")

He didnt put his hands together like this when he spoke

So its safe to say he aint italian!! FYI "This gesture is a desperate appeal to the Mother of God. It expresses exasperation and disbelief." For the record its not an italian thing as I did see a chinese guy use the same move and place his hands against his nose to block another chinese guy from using his fingers to poke his eyes. I love when I see this hand expression being used because its usually coming from a passionate individual and they prolly have something interesting to say or they are explaining how they just pumped this broad in the washroom.

I also have a thing for Gingers! when I see one I have to stop and stare like a crazy and if im with someone its like punch buggy to me and I have to let them know theres a ginger in the vacinity. Im always amazed, no clue why and its prolly one of the dumbest things but I just do. Ok honestly here is the reason why, the internet says "Gingers will be extinct in the next 100 years" and we all know how the internet never lies. Look it up if you want to shake your head at something stupid.

Ok wait back to my replacement, I got soo side tracked. I found a recipe for Tuscan style beans um um ummm!!

My favorite Drake song before he became drizzy, I will talk about my replacement next time..honestly who cares about him really!!

Cloudy day

Did my thing in the office, really quite again. More awkwardness in here, maybe I started this whole thing? just kidding, what started out as a snowflake turned into a snowball. I helped add to it and with everything going on in here its turned into an avalanche. To all those before me that have left and read this you have no idea what its like in here. Its still a good place don't get me wrong but man sometimes its just not right. I know I did start the trickle effect with everyone. The ones that are still here including me is what i'm talking about.

You know what I was just about to go into a sob story about everyone here but fuck it thats pretty stupid, I can't turn this post into "Chicken Soup for the Soul"

This sums up the office lately= AWKWARD!!!

Kudos to G Dubbs for the Jerry Mcguire type speech today (sorry that was an inside joke)

Wow I really have nothing interesting to post anymore, someone shit their pants in the office or wear white jeans and their time of the month hits or something please!! l

No post today

Im running out shit to post so why not a Haiku

which shirt today?

doesn't really matter

love unrequited

Its official

Im getting married!!

hitched!! tied down!! nail in the coffin!! all she wrote!! fat lady is singing my jam right now and i'm doing my two step!!

jk but I did get confirmation today about my new job and Im gonna take it. I'm assuming today is the start of my last two weeks here. I don't know if I have to write a letter or if bossman is gonna give me an exit interview. Maybe if he asks me what I would to do improve this office I am just going to suggest a soft serve ice cream machine. Im pretty sure these guys don't need an ice cream machine but whatever.

Very quiet today in the office, the morning started off pretty awkward for everyone but I won't go into it. I am just wrapping up my loose ends to make Reh Rehs transition into my spot as easy as pie. I am making sure my phone has no bits of food in the mouth piece. My chair is somewhat clean and at a height that is suitable for proper posture and tunnel vision friendly. My keyboard isnt sticky, gonna erase all my bookmarks on internet explorer. I don't want her to know I secretly have a crush on flowers ie: orchids. I am going to change all my business cards to her name. I am going to let Monica know that she will be having a new classmate to sit beside in class.

Other than that very quiet at work I am just staying in the shadows doing what I have to do. Everyone is just doing their own thing like its a library full of strangers doing homework.
A library full of hot people!!! owwwwwwwwww!! jk
(in my head I was loud yelling ooowwwww but really its Bjork "So Quiet" in here!!! arrrrgggggghhhhhhh!! holy shit someone say something!! can you guys read my mind?? somebody read my thoughts and acknowledge me I am going nuts!!! Im starring at G Dubbs right now expecting him just to say something, SAY SOMETHING!!! Arrggghhhh so quiet I think he thinks im farting or something!! look I'm balancing this book on my head while turning a jack-the-box!! look at me!! look i'm typing 55378008 into the calculator to spell BOOBLESS look at me!! look at the calculator!! the calculator is a pervert!! arrrrggghhhhh!! look I just fed my Tomagotchi and its loves me!! its showing a heart!! look Im gonna clean up after my Tomagotchi cause it just took a shit!! arrgghhh!!! look Im wearing Monicas wig!!! Alex I know your reading this and I hope you find this funny!! look i'm writing my new years resolutions on paper for you to pass judgement on!! arrrgghh nevermind its zombieland in here)

No one is talking to anyone, no one actually laughed today and its 5:11pm. We usually get a few loud laughs in throughout the day but I guess it is a sign of things to come wawaaaaa lol jk

Quick wrap up of the weekend, got drunk after a couples date that consisted of 4 other couples failed. We tried to watch "give it to him greek" or whatever and it was too rammed we would have to sit in the front row so we passed and went to my place, drank and laughed for abit. Saturday went to Veg Girls place for a bday bbq. Had too much fun, me and my friends mission was to somehow takeover and be the lifes of the party. A little asian invasion at a party never hurts once in awhile (thats not a shot at asians having small penises for those forward thinkers) not sure if it worked but Veg Girl aint talking to me so I guess it did!! Thank you for the invite and party Veg Girl Happy Birthday!

owwww!!

I have to apologize on the lack of quality posts the last few days. Not gonna lie I have shit to write about so I just bullshit. Its dead at work, accounts dont wanna come in right now I can count the emails I received today with all two fingers!
G Dubbs and Mimi are back from the big apple, G Dubbs saw lady gaga at the Hudson thats about it. He didn't even try to sing a song with her or anything. Oh and mimi said she saw the new Jag XJ! I like that car too not a jag fan but they are nice.

G Dubbs sent me this from New York at 2:15 in the morning, god bless the chinese, Canal St and their knock offs!!! lol

New Years is coming in 26 weeks for those counting and waiting.

Do you see the robot reading a book?

I never noticed the bear in the logo before. I love the internet and their useful facts!

I love Nutella!

Gonna make deep fried macaroni tonight!

As you can tell I have nothing to talk about in the office except "Just a girl" came in dressed like this today

Laker game on tonight! I just want Artest to win a ring, I dont care for the Lakers and...............yup I have nothing else to write about! See you tomorrow! Hi Don Don you still snapping necks or has your novelty wore off???

YOP!!!

Nothing to write about today!

Everyone is just chilling doing their thing. Its raining out maybe that's why everyone is moving extra slow, im just doing the same to fit in but on the inside this is me.Veg girl is planning a pool party in the rain. Im going and i'm trying to bring a bunch of my friends over cause none of us have a pool or get invited to pool parties for that matter. Wonder if shes gonna invite our co-workers, oh well now they know about it and if they didn't know about it until now I guess they didn't get the invite. I guess Veg Girl is gonna save face right now and invite whoever wasn't invited that didnt have a chance to read this yet.

I think Party Girl's name is now gonna be "I'm just a girl" she's hanging up the party life and just keeping it to bdays and weddings

Interviews have been coming in on the regular today. All walks of life want to work here, not sure who my replacement is yet. It has been girls all day, im pretty sure they want a guy. I hope they ask me to interview a few. It will be fun I get to ask questions like where do you see yourself in 5 years!! lol what a loaded question like really c'mon.

This is how my interview would go.

Me "ok so everyone slacks at different times during the work day usually inbetween tasks. Since you are new how would you disguise your picking ur ass moment?"

Me "when you lie to your boss and coworkers about missing a day of work because you really were just hungover do you come back the next day working twice as hard or do you still play sucky baby and take it easy so they dont get suspicious.?"

Me"we have different nationalities in the office. If you were to pick which one should be kicked out or not allowed to warmup their food in the microwave how would you go about it?"

Me"choose which song you would like to sing for me "Dancing on the ceiling" by Lionel Richie or "Maneater" Hall & Oates im going to be playing the melody on my keyboard guitar?

Me"we have a few gay male workers here, do you feel awakward and upset when you see David Beckhams body and you cannot make a comment like your gay coworkers get to do?

Im dozing off, I need a redbull. Nothing else left to write about gotta go back to work.

The Remix

Shout out to Bert! I found out hes creeping the blog!! u sneaky man!

I made it so that if you click on Berts pic it will link you to the real life Bert's real name and his contact etc if you ever need his service or want to know who he is!!

haha jk Bert!! I know you clicked the photo!!!! if you didn't click on it let me know and I will give you 5 bucks from my wallet because I believe in the honor system and my test failed. If you did click on it you have to whisper my name ever soo silent into ur girls ear when making out. Loud enough so she can kind've hear it, but not enough to still question ur ghayness.

Getting my last laughs in at work. I wish I documented all the crap that comes out of my mouth throughout the years. Not trying to boast or anything but its pretty funny at times. Not gonna take all the credit for being funny on my own, it does stem from my friends and it helps if everyone jokes the same way plus a little bit of wit and some truth stretching goes a long way.

We call our humor style "the remix" its like adding details to an already made fact/fiction but at the drop of a dime so you can still continue using the same laughs made from the first statement and keep the flow going. Hard to explain but do you get it??? I can't give a good example because I cant freestyle garbage to you on the spot but I will try.

Pretend we are in a group right now and making general convo blah blah blah...and somebody says

person #1"Hey guys I bought a vibrator for the bachelor party"

person #2"you just bought one because your penis is too small and you put it there instead when having sex"

person #3"why the hell would you buy a vibrator for a bachelor, you weirdo who you gonna use it on??...us??"

person #2"he's too cheap to buy a vibrator, hes gonna cheat and use his own penis on us and make buzzing noises with his mouth"

person #1" that's ghay, you would be mad if I started making buzzing noises with my mouth because you like trying to makeout with me using tongue!!"

person #3"what's ghay is the "made in china" sticker you put on the side of your dick!"

person#2"how do you know? have you seen his dick?"

person#1"yea hes seen it, its on his sisters facebook photos she tagged it"

person#3"my sister has it? thats weird but whatever I'm looking at it right now on your sisters page and shes holding it"

That is a small example of "the remix" not to sure if you get it but whatever, also the jokes aren't always that homosexual in nature. Everyone at the office is getting the hang of the dumb way I joke as I am used to the way they do. Its great to laugh, never heard of anyone complain about laughing too much except when its at the expense of others but even then I don't mind getting made fun of.

The office was quiet again today, did our thing and we are out. 4 more Tuesdays to go and I am out. I had Harveys today very bad move, first off main chick is gonna rip me a new asshole for not making my lunch, secondly I wanna drop a soft serve sooo badly but I want everyone to leave so I can do it in peace. I hate dropping dueces here at the office especially since its all girls! I don't need them to judge me!! I mean I know they do their due diligence here cause I have smelt first hand their salads with rasberry vinaigrette in the form of number 2's but thats ok they are girls. I have a complex pooing in public, I want it to come out asap, I mean I push so hard that I pop blood vessels in my eyes. When I come out they forget to make a remark about the smell but ask if Im okay, is everything ok at home? did you fail your karate test?? they ask because I have tears coming from my eyes and they are watery too. Neways im out gotta leave its 5:30pm and the urge to poo has gone away!

yeaaahhhh!!!

4 more Mondays to go!!

Shout outs to Thunder Thief for getting hitched!

So I'm in the showroom helping Monica pack up the samples and for no reason she blurts out

"When I'm on dates I check out the guys fingers to see if I would like to get fingered by them!" and she continued on with what she was doing and walked away. If thats the case and you girls think disgusting things like that I for one have lady fingers or piano playing hands as my priest used to tell me. I hope that gives me the advantage when girls look at my hands and they have the assurance that I will be just as gentle to them as they are to themselves if they ever needed my fingers. Now the awkward part of my post is done (please stop staring at your fingers) we can all be normal.

Quiet day today, did the usual things emails, clean-up, follow-up. Party Girl is slowly losing the name, she just came in as Girl, she mentioned to include babysitters club in her name somehow and I shall. Reh Reh is extra silent today no mimi around I dont think she even grabbed lunch I hope shes not missing her too much that she doesn't eat. I once had two gerbils and when one passed away the other one died the next day. G Dubbs is in Gotham City with Mimi, maybe he will find his Robin or part time Robin!!! jk jk jk this song is for you G Dubbs.

Play this while you are getting ready tonight.

Veg Girl is still mad at me, I bought her a donut the other day and I found it in the garbage next to this with my name on it.

Usually she pays for my lunch but not the last few times we went out. Its her bday tomorrow so if you see her wish her a happy birthday. Not sure how old she is but I guess she is somewhere inbetween Dixie Chicks and eastside marios perhaps?? Im just playing me and her are good now I was getting the cold shoulder last week but she then told me she was feeling ill because she took canesten so don't take it personally, she thought it was reactine all week. She said my nose kept dripping but she was able to eat more yellow cheeses than normal and her facial hair became more coarse!! Not sure what canesten can do to ones body when they don't need it but I guess it falls under the saying "an apple a day keeps the doctor away or is it dentist??" so it was like preventative maintenance I guess.

Im on my last few weeks here, I think end of July is my time out I haven't officially set a date with the boss. Im very curious to see who is going to take my place. I know Reh Reh is coming over into sales but I know they will be finding one more person to team up with her. Maybe it will be some hearthrob guy with hazel eyes and always smells like cedar wood and rocky mountain air (he will probably use the word shlam alot when describing what he did to girls on the weekend) Maybe its an asian guy with great personality and work ethic (prolly because he married his white gf from University, they also own a Yaris, ooohh and they own a golden lab but they had to put him down last spring cause he had health issues and he was too old to operate on) Maybe it will be a girl with the same qualities as me but with a menstrual cycle. She will prolly duke it out with G Dubbs, Veg Girl and Party G on a daily basis. I might be teaming up with Debra Messing again work wise but we still be in different belle du provinces!! Keep you posted on that.

Lotto Max is gonna be 70 million. Way too much money for one to win. If I win half to my main chick, quarter to my side chick and everyone else gets to be rich with me.

Also this is gonna be my official signature until I'm gone.

Temptation

Show of hands who gets to use the internet for work!! If you are one of those blessed and have your hands up congrats. You are an honourable person and you do your due diligence and use the web for work, looking for potential accounts whatever your work entails. Heads up big brother is watching. They are keeping track of what we look at to see where we spend our time going off the beaten path. I work in wholesale and need to find potential retailers thats it thats all basta! I don't need to be doing anything else but that really. Yet the world of information is at our fingertips. Mind you I wouldn't start surfing porn sites at work cause I could just go to the washroom and rub one off if I really felt like it, thats a temptation in itself hmmmmmm. The temptation is there and we all go for it look at other things and waste our bosses money. My sickness is Ebay, G Dubbs is Daria Werbowy (yes not a website but Dubbs would like some of her pie so that falls under temptation)

Here is a nursery rhyme for G Dubbs and Daria (please try to use the Yankee Doodle melody when reading it)

"G Dubbs holding his doodle, went to New York City

Stuck his doodle in Daria's vag, now confused, but excited they're haaviiing a baby!"

no clue where that came from sorry dubbs it just popped in my head.

Party Girl's thing is selloffvacations.com ( I swear she goes on vacation everyother week!! lol) Mimi is wreckedexotics.com and teamspeed.com -she is a car freak that I just found out not to long ago, not to sure about Reh Reh she actually just works, Monica's thing is getting hunted by men websites, Veg Girl surfs UFO and 9/11 conspiracy websites.

Anyways everyone knows how to delete their history on Internet Explorer go to tools>internet options>delete>etc etc, please note not everything gets deleted from your hd, its just that you cannot find it anymore. A highly skilled IT guy can locate data if your company really wants to get down and dirty with you.

But the best one is clearing your searches on Google!!! oooohhhhhh I know your thinking shit I did searches on "jobs at winners" ,"laser hair removal" ,"black heads" ,"how do I know I'm not a dancer","vegetarian spoken word poem group mississauga"

Now that I got your attention pay attention. Now it might not be the same on all Internet Explorers depending on which version you have but here is it is.

For Internet Explorer: Click on Tools. Then Internet Options. Click on Content and then Auto Complete. Then click on Clear Forms. This will erase your search history. If you don't want things showing up again in your search history then deselect the Auto Complete options at the top. Be sure to select apply or ok at the bottom

Ok thats it, yeaahhh

Call PETA!!!

Meet G Dubbs rare european long haired mink named "Ascott" and he is not camera shy or sleeping people I will explain. When I first met G Dubbs Ascott was just 8 inches long. Dubbs always said he hates animals but he is growing Ascott to be a super star. I had no clue what he meant at the time but whatever. I mean what better to do than get a mink instead of adopting a chinese baby if he was feeling maternal. For the last 3 years Dubbs has been bringing Ascott to work. I had fun feeding the guy my left overs from lunch. As an aside I thought it was weird when Veg Girl asked Dubbs if he has ever thought about breastfeeding Ascott, thats awhole other convo I won't get into. Anyways long story short Dubbs came in with an ear to ear smile today. I asked where Ascott was and Dubbs face turned red in embarrassment. "He's in a better place" Dubbs replied. He then lifted up his arms in excitement and showed me this!!Dubbs then went on saying how he cannot wait to attach Ascott to a new head board he has been working on. "It took me 3 years to make this head board!" its gonna match my bed spread and he showed me his bedroom on his myspace page.

G Dubbs know his stuff he said "nothing touches this body but egyptian silk and little furry mammals!" Amen to that dude!!

That wasn't really office related but whatever. Got in touch with another ex coworker who left awhile ago to Calgary. She told me she met some natives down there and they are now calling her Thunder Thief!! They say her arrival blessed them with a good harvest this past winter so they annointed her the Tunder Thief at a ceremony this past spring. I don't have any smartass thing to say about her other than the fact that she followed nutritional guidelines Canada recommendation of 8 full glasses of water a day.

She is more this (minus the hat or maybe- she never really told me what she did after work!) lol

Ok more like this...

Not this!... Veg Girl has been giving me the cold shoulder all day, I guess its because I'm going. Party Girl and Dubbs are cool about it. Monica aint that happy me and her cause alot of shit here. Mimi and Reh Reh are cool with it as well I guess

Like I said before I am sad I'm leaving, I really am!! on the outside I am showing them this.

But on the inside

I'm like this!!!

Ooohhhhhh yeeaaaaa

My inspiration

I forgot to show you guys my inspiration. This is a shot of my desk. I look at these two guys to help me get by. I thought maybe Barack and Jack Sparrow can do the same for you as they have done for me!!

Time is moving like molasses today

very slow day today..I always start off like that somehow! its like how fairy tales start off with "Once upon a time" I guess I just can't wait for final bell to ring everyday.
Its that time of the selling season where its dead. Its those weeks inbetween selling seasons where you visit your accounts make some follow-up calls see how business is out there. I don't want to travel out the office and visit the accounts not because of them but because of the traffic. It would take me an hr to get anywhere. The office is in good spirits. I for one am so dead. I called some accounts and sent some emails for appointments so far no one. I got four emails so far today and they were from two people.

G Dubbs is planning his trip to Gotham City to hit up some potentials and get hit up by some potentials. He made a huge map of Gotham City and I want to help him and find all the good "G_ _" spots to hit up. I bought mini shiny unicorn, rainbow and soccer ball stickers to use as markers to highlight key spots to visit. I will eventually get G Dubbs a "Hello Kitty" helium filled balloon with about 15 ft of string to bring with him as he is also going with Mimi and his buddy as well. The Hello Kitty balloon will help just incase they ever lose eachother in the big city they just need to look up and they will find G Dubbs. I envy them its like they are gonna have their own Adventures in babysitting stories to come back with and share.
Yup another Veg Girl blast. Veg Girl gave me another word to add to the "bad wurd grammar dictionary"
Yesterday she was asking if Monica is going to longened her skirt.

She really wanted to use the word "Lengthen" Veg Girl has a knack for using the wrong words. I had a list of 10 words that she has used that were completely off but I lost it. I suck at grammar at times but I have enough general knowledge to know that Monetery Jack Cheese is not used in Nachos Con Queso. I think she had this bloke in mind when she said Monetery Jack even though its really Monterey Jack.

Veg girl is in bizarro world today she keeps walking around saying "daddy would you like some sausage". Monica is "lady in red" yesterday, everyone kept singing the song when she walked by. She said she hates hearing that song because it reminded her of screaming babies and cleaning the house in the 80's. I love busting Reh Reh's nuts everytime she looks over to speak to G dubbs or Veg Girl. I'm in her peripheral vision when she talks to them so what I have been doing since this morning is hold a picture of Barack Obama by my face. Hopefully she will not crack up as her conversations with Veg and G Dubbs are usually important and tres serious plus there is no time for laughing in the workplace. Last thing I want is Veg and G dubbs to think Reh Reh is laughing at them and then they go off and place a comment in the comment box about her.

All of Party Girls hard work is going to be paid off today as her celebrity will be in town and she'll be running the show. I wonder if she will be wearing a head-set? That was a pretty boring post on Party Girl, it doesn't seem very Party of her. I think Party Girl isn't really Party Girl as much as I know anymore. Come to think of it she hasn't shown up to work hungover in quite some time. I mean thats how you get to be called Party Girl right? Theres rumblings in the office that Party Girl is gonna be hanging up the gloves and turning into Parent Teacher Association Party Organizer Girl in the next year or so.

I did something at work I thought I would never do but I gave in my notice that I am resigning in next few weeks. I hope the blog still runs, its like it ended before it even began. My days are numbered here!!

I will be pursuing a career in cheese making actually artisan cheese. I ran across a goat and two cows that give off milk on Kijiji.ca for 85 bucks. I also ran across some old cheese making machines on craigslist which will probably wont work. This all started because I ran across a stack of cheese cloth in my basement. I might as well make good use of it and whatelse better to do with a stack of cheese cloths then start a cheese making factory. I already have all the forms to apply for a government grant. I am going to be claiming that I am part Native, partially blind, 4 ft 2 with gray eyes, sexually abused by a priest, former assembly line autoworker of Ford and fluent in Cantonese. I should be able to swindle some dollars for start up. In the meantime while I wait for the cheese to cure I can focus on my folk music lyrics and ideas for sitcoms.

I am sad that I will be leaving but what can you do, at the end of the day someone else will come and it will be back to normal. Work was one big family sitcom with all the right characters. We had the always horny mom in Monica, the token gay kid that dreams to be a dancer one day in dubbs, the 27 yr old "jesus is your homeboy" virgin in Veg girl, the man killer older sister in Party Girl, I was the step brother with the speech impediment, Mimi was the highschool friend of Veg Girl that always came over to help with her homework, Reh Reh was the nextdoor neighbour cause shes new.

There were other characters that have come and gone from here for instance the more memorable, Minlingistics, hand cramp Turkice, UK Don Da Da, Debra Messing and her sister

this girl

I can probably count 20 more people. Im going to miss alot here, I spent a good amount of my time causing shit. I hope the next bloke they hire is an aries. Well this isnt my final post I have a couple more weeks left I'm scrapping the cheese making factory so maybe I'll stay nah..but this is how I feel right now lol, to tell you the truth I dont know the whole lyrics to the song so if its about anything other than being a free bird don't tell me.

Just another manic depression monday JK im not depressed I'm good!!

This is a shark sleeping bag. I think its pretty funny and would like one to pass down to my kids one day to show how funny I can be while being PG-13. I think it will also help them get over their fear of sharks, a fear I already concluded they will forsure have. I also would like to be eaten by a shark rather than be at work today. The atmosphere is weird in the office everyone is tense, its like a terror alert has been issued along with an amber alert. You can cut the tension in here with a knife or a great sing along if I can rally up the troops to do so. On the brightside I heard Master Minlingistics is coming back to the office for a hot minute to work a day here and there. Master Minlingistics was the original Logistics person before Reh Reh. She ruled that position with an Iron Fist and mean stare. She even used an abacus rather than todays calculators as she felt they were too slow and she was a showoff!! (play stereotypical chinese "Gong" sound) regardless it will be nice have her back for abit.

I swear I try not to showcase Veg Girl or bust her balls all the time but she keeps feeding me shit to bust her balls about. Its like im a mouse and shes teasing me by dangling monetery cheese in front of me (sorry that is an inside joke for only 4 people or so in this world) anyways according to Veg Girl Webster!! died this weekend. lol she had me rolling im pretty sure its not her fault she is just getting her black people mixed up! Plus I don't think shes part of the different strokes generation and more of the Webster generation as the shows were very similar where a white family adopts a small black kid. RIP Gary Coleman I wasn't laughin at your death as it is very sad.

According to Veg Girl this is WebsterJust some FYI Veg Girl this is WebsterI can see why she had trouble between the two (....cough!ignorant!cough...) lol...jk jk

Dennis Hopper died as well

Ok enough with the celebs this was my first and last wannabe Perez Hilton postParty Girl is working the phones hard she is in charge of a certain D-list celebrity they are taking around town this week. Monica is trying to make a game out of __ and is using hangman as a way to keep track. Back to work shits gonna hit the fan tomorrow. BUT first Im gonna eat some chicken for lunch and one of those weakass buns with cheese on top that they call Pizza Buns.

Yea I might as well do this I already put it in my title

9am countdown begins

8hrs until I get to start my car to leave the office. Not gonna lie I prolly have a couple hrs of work to do. No one wants to come see me on a Friday so no appointments are gonna happen forsure. Quiet in the office right now, the air conditioner is blasting which is keeping me sick. Monica is already telling me she ate her lunch for breakfast so shes gonna be talking about lunch by 10am. G dubbs is...is....is....I look over and dont have any smart ass thing to say! hes wearing a scarf??..no that won't do, he's rolling a joint at the desk!..nah thats lying.. I saw his passport hes actually from El Salvador is 35 years old! nah that was weak ..hes growing his beard!! hes getting his Sam Roberts on! thats what I'm going with. Party Girl just walked in wearing my favorite jean jacket. Reh Reh is getting sick of the dabs and the whuddup sista! hahaha.

Mimi vanished no clue where she is. Me, well after I'm done doing what needs to be done I'm gonna spend the rest of the day on ebay and look at stuff I don't need and try to find excuses on why I bought it when main chick finds out! what? I keep promising not to bust Veg Girls balls anymore so I will just let you know what shes up to for those who care. She keeps singing out the same first line of "You can't hurry love" for those that dont know its starts off "I need love love" and thats all she sings. I don't think she knows the rest. Im pretty sure she heard the Phil Collins version of The Supremes original. I don't think she likes black music!! Im kidding. She says she has no clue why she keeps singing it. I think she just wants a baby. I saw her the other day trying to breast feed a beanie baby in the showroom but I pretended not to see. At first I thought she was being funny and cute by stuffing its mouth with a dumpling of some sort. I was in shock when I realized she was actually trying to breast feed it singing the first lyric "i need love love" over and over and over and over and over again. I left after watching her do this for 3 hrs.

Sorry Veg Girl to broadcast you in that manner. This was for Montreal Debra!! and everyone who goes to Mandarin for the dumpling festival!!!

Get er done!!

I thought I would switch it up and talk about work related things rather than Veg girl day dreaming about cucumbers because "they can't break your heart!!"...awkward!! or MiMi rolling her eyes at Cptn Obvious or G-Dubbs getting mad at all the Glee references from Party Girl.

Our selling season is just around the corner for all of us or maybe not all of us at the office??what??

One of my pet peeves is not getting that appointment especially with those accounts that don't wanna show the love or bother to even commit to an appointment. (passing on my stuff is a whole other convo but I will get to that later if I still care)

I can't get an appointment

He won't commit to an appointment

She won't return my call

She keeps resheduling because shes ovulating and she is gonna meet up with her husband in 10 mins to make that baby

I'm just lazy my bad boss.

He rescheduled 3 times because his son keeps making it past the bottom two in American Idol

Welcome to the reality of the lowly sales rep. This is what I think bossman would say to you/me when asked why your account ain't coming in and the excuses, comebacks or thoughts I think you/me would go through our heads.

Boss: You haven't established enough interest. - (prolly true I think the oil spill in the gulf of mexico is taking the spotlight at the moment buddy or Justin Beiber perhaps)

Boss: You haven’t given any value. - (huh?? what does he mean??...crickets!!.......crickets??..)

Boss: You haven't created or uncovered a need. - (but i'm not selling the cure to cancer or Twilight fever!)

Boss: You are unable to or have not established any rapport. - (what does 50 cent have to do with our work?....ohhh rapport duh!!!...crickets.....crickets...wtf does rapport mean?)

Boss: The potential account is already doing business with someone she is satisfied with. - (damn! she really opened up to you well here's the thing im only 5'10 hes 6'6!! I'm pretty sure his is bigger down there!! wait isn't she married??..goddammit why cant I be 6'6??)

Boss: You have been talking (telling) instead of asking (selling). - (our families were both Jehovahs in the late 80's we have alot to catch up on)

Boss: The account doesn't see you as important enough to carve out time to meet. - (that fuker!! he said that to you??...hearts beating really fast right now!! furious cause you just went out of your way to buy a pirated dvd copy of P90X for them as a good gesture)

Boss: The account feels “sale” rather than “relationship.” - (eyes starting to get teary eyed..you just realized it aint gonna happen your not even in weakass friend zone just sale zone!!)

Boss: I just got off the phone with the account and they have an unfavorable impression of you, our company and our product do you care to explain?. - (hmmm should I tell the truth or use one of my emergency only excuses??..wait what am I doing I should investigate more before I divulge, remember who, what, where, when, why and how silly!!)

Lets get creative you're not going to let little things like that prevent you from achieving your objectives are you? - (im just lazy!!..haha thats the response I give to my own statement!! just wanted to let you guys know)

Send a plant, flowers or a small gift - You will be amazed how much ice you can melt with a small gift. Flowers can get through a brick wall no matter how thick it is even in sexual relationships! Ok honestly giftbaskets are kinda ghay I take that one back. (gonna stop using the word ghay, I watched Glee lastnight, did you guys see the part where the ghay kids dad ripped the jock dude a new asshole for using the word fag in his house?? I felt bad for using that word all these years I was upset it made me feel like a fag!)

Get close to the person who knows your account best - Find out what your account likes. His/her typical schedule - arrival and departure times. Gather information, stalk them!! Creep their facebook, befriend their mom and go on grocery shopping dates with her. Sleep with their boyfriend!!

Send a provocative email without being provoking...oohh you perverts!! I know what your thinking!!!..send me a practice email!!!! (note if big brother is watching the emails don't read any further) Ask questions or make statements in the letter that make the account think you and lie lie lie lie lie!!!. Don't sell your product, just pique interest tease them like how sideboob has that effect on guys regardless if its from a man or women and sell an appointment you need to earn your check or you might lose your job.

Take a risk, take a chance. Don't be afraid to make a mistake everyone judges everyone anyways, don't be afraid to fail remember Micheal Bolton couldn't come to your bday party but you tried which says alot, don't worry about rejection your doing fine eventhough you're not your moms favorite daughter.

I can't go on anymore, I'm tired of writing with all the time spent on this I could have used it making appointments!

Tuesday Tuesday

Back from the long weekend historically never a good day attention span wise. Everyone is in work mode and sniffling from allergies perhaps, blow ur fuking noses man!! lol. I'm sick too it actually started on Friday if anyone cares. I prolly kicked it up a knotch by spending a day at the beach yesterday with the pals and gals. No one at the office has really talked to eachother yet. Its kinda tense in here actually everyones aura looks brown and gray today. There is too much running through ours heads today. I think the long weekend evaluate your life talk they had to themselves is still going on. I have been at work the second I got in too which is good for the company! jk no clue why I would say that maybe Im feeling generous today. Gotta push some goods before the inevitable happens! what???

There's an oldie station playing right now and I can hear Veg Girl singing along to songs even "monica" has never heard of. Not gonna bust Veg girls balls today she gets a pass plus she got darker over the weekend almost pacific islander dark.

Party Girl is back from the islands of Greece looking like a local now with her sun kissed skin.

G-Dubbs is having a good hair day and is buried in his desk with papers.

Monica is in heat right now, "I don't care just give me a c*ck or somthing circumsiced or not I don't" lol that girl is nuts. I can't believe her kids are soo normal and she's what she is!! god bless her.

Reh Reh is training a deadman walking again!!! lol smh...Im starring at her right now sipping her YOP or whatever it is. She might as well be giving instructions to a ghost

2 on 2 off 1 on

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